F’ing Christmas Gets the Song It Deserves

This is what this stinking holiday needs. Not Mariah Carey, Not David Bowie and Bing Crosby’s macabre pairing – but a Christmas song loaded with sexual innuendoes. Finally, a holiday song I can get behind.

Billboard has the exclusive:

http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/6386018/steel-panther-christmas-song-premiere-stocking-song

 

Get it on iTunes: http://smarturl.it/SPStockingSong
Get it on Amazon Music: http://smarturl.it/StockingSong_Amz

 

WATCH: Ozzy Osbourne and Randy Rhoads in Rare Video Shot in 1981

On a promotion tour for Diary of a Madmen. Shot at the Palladium which are now NYU dorms (BLASPHEMY). Ozzy was so coherent then. Still immobile on stage, but who cares. It’s Randy F’ing Rhoads with him. The concert goes to about the 12:12 mark whereas then some more weird Ozzy and Randy clips play. Not unwelcome, just wish I saw more of the concert. Guess someone taped over their live performacne by accident. (This is why you always keep spare VHS’!!!)

Mötley Crüe Farewell Tour at Jones Beach – REVIEW

One of my favorite bands from yesteryear, Mötley Crüe, stopped by Jones Beach on a stop on their Farewell Tour promising a setlist filled with fan favorites for a spectacular goodbye.

I miss THESE guys.

I miss THESE guys.

It should have been a great, fun show.

It wasn’t.

Where to begin?

Let’s start with the band itself. We all know that the Crüe has had problems amongst themselves over the years, and their lack of stage chemistry made that pretty evident. At no point did they interact or even acknowledge each other.

It seemed to this longtime fan that Vince, Mick, Tommy and Nikki are doing this strictly for the cash. I’ve seen more people drag their sorry asses into their 9-5’s with more gusto and enthusiasm than these guys.

Tommy’s “drum solo” consisted of constantly calling the audience “motherfuckers”, playing to pre-recorded music while his drum kit traveled slowly up and down a rollercoaster track. If his goal was to confuse me and create a bathroom break – mission accomplished! The rollercoaster theatrics are just as tired as I was.

Nikki’s greatest accomplishments during the evening was shooting fire from his bass and telling a story of how they all got together. Poor Mick was the only one that seemed to be taking this seriously. Unfortunately, he has the mobility of a rock. Still – he tried.

And Vince. Oh Vince. You disappoint me so.

Singing seems to be extremely laborious for the aging former reality star. I only include “aging” because it seemed like a fun adjective to use. There are plenty of other middle-aged vocalists whose age doesn’t factor into their entertaining, energy or voice.

Sure, Stephen Tyler or Jon Bon Jovi do not have the same vocal range they did at 20, but they still know the lyrics to their own music and genuinely enjoy themselves onstage which is far more I can say about Vince.

 

He reminded me of DeNiro at the end of Raging Bull. A fat, washed-up, breathless jerk desperately trying to appear relevant. It’s the Farewell tour and this guy couldn’t bother to rehearse? This was the first concert that had me aching for lip-synching.

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Vince, show us with your arms a measure of how much you suck.

He seems to only want to sing the nouns in lyrics. It’s ok that he can’t hit the same notes he did – I don’t expect him to. But I do expect him to remember and sing every lyric to the best of his ability.

During “Shout at the Devil”, which they should have opened with but instead, inexplicably opted with the crap Saints of Los Angeles, I was so distracted and annoyed but his lack of singing and enthusiasm that I almost wish Nikki aimed some of his fire launching at Vince. We all know he wanted to.

Too bad, Nikki. You missed your shot.

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Rob Halford – The Movement Needs You

Today I salute the amazing Rob Halford, who I truly believe, could be one of the greatest public advocates for the civil rights/same sex marriage movement in this country.

In case you didn’t know – Rob Halford is lead singer to one of the biggest, most influential metal bands that ever existed – Judas Priest. He is also one of the most acclaimed singers in rock, possessing a four octave range. Plus, he can wear the fuck out of leather.

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Metal is usually the soundtrack to the outsider – the loner, the misunderstood non-comformist; the odd man out. It’s filled with angst and confusion. It is the anthem of angry, testosterone riddled boys everywhere (and all around awesome girls – HELLO). There is no more manly music than metal.

So when badass Judas Priest burst on the scene with Halford’s ferocious voice, he was both idolized and hailed as a god. In a community that valued heterosexual mansluts and videos presenting women as objects, his obvious leather bear fashion sensibilities went largely ignored.

For crying out loud, just look at the freaking video for “Hot Rockin”.

That’s the most homoerotic/homoromantic (h/t Jay) thing I’ve ever seen. Videos like that, along with Halford being ‘hell bent for leather’, and lyrics such as “All eyes hit me as I walked into the bar, The spikey leather guys were foolin with the denim dudes, A couple cards played rough stuff, New York, Fire Island” – it was kind of obvious that Halford wasn’t interested in the ladies.

I remember when I was a teenager it was kind of like an “open secret” that was just accepted. “You know Rob Halford is gay, right”; “Whatever”.

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In 1998, after he left Judas Priest, he came out, officially on MTV News. If you ask any straight male metalhead, they will still say that “on some level they always knew he was gay” but they “will always love him” and he’ll always be their “metal god”.

And isn’t it what it’s all about? If bonehead metal dudes can just accept a man for his talents and not care about what he does in his personal life, then maybe there’s hope for legalizing same sex marriage yet.

Halford – the movement needs you. Now strap on some leather and sing about same sex marriage FFS. (Along with all of Judas Priest’s hits, thanks)

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